Friday, August 17, 2012

Answered Prayers!

I still have tears in my eyes (happy ones!) and am almost unable to fully process my thankfulness and relief....

Our baby seems to be completely healthy!!!!

After a week and a half of waiting and much patience (which was truly only given to me by God :)), our AFP (Alpha-Fetoprotein) test (aka the Triple Test) results came back today and the results were negative.  For those that don't understand this test (like myself).  It's a blood test that looks for increased risk for certain abnormalities...Down Syndrome, Spina Bifida, Neural Tube Defects and in our case Trisomy 18 (which was a concern for our baby due to the brain cysts found on u/s last week and was the only reason we had this blood test taken in the first place, b/c I have always refused it in my other pregnancies).  My specific results show a 1 in 1,400 chance of Down Sydrome, a 1 in 5600 chance of Spina Bifida and there was no number associated with Trisomy 18 but instead it read that our sweet baby was not at increased risk for this chromosomal abnormality.  PRAISE THE LORD!!!!

 I feel like for the first time in this pregnancy I am able to really breathe a sigh of relief, relax and enjoy this baby growing and moving inside me---this lil' miracle.  That I can now connect to this last child of mine for the first time.  I realize it's my own fault for not doing this before 19 weeks, but I am one who often has a protective barrier up and I just couldn't let myself get attached when I had a 50/50 chance of miscarriage before last week and then when I didn't know if my baby would even be born alive or live past 2 years.

But, that being said, I have to say that I have truly had the most peaceful and faithful walk the last 12 days as I waited, and I know that is only a God-thing.  And I know that so many of you played a part in that with all the prayers you have lifted up on our family/baby's behalf.  I have felt so wrapped in love and peace in a way I've never felt before in uncertain circumstances.  I cannot thank you all enough for that b/c I needed it more than you will ever know and I needed to lean on Him like I've never had to do before.  God has truly been working on my heart in so many ways and this baby has truly been a journey of faith for me, which I think I needed.

Thank you all for your love and support, and especially prayers during our time of need.  God is truly good and a worker of miracles and I've always been in awe of the miracle of a baby forming and growing, but I am even more in awe today as I look upon our healthy baby and can finally picture his/her sweet little body in my arms in about 20 weeks :)  We are halfway to meeting you, sweet Mystery Baby Stegs #5 :)  Now your mama can have a wonderful weekend with a happy and grateful heart! :)   

Monday, August 6, 2012

Trusting...




Hi, My Sweet Friends,

I have a mind full of prayers today, but I think I have to sort them out in my own head before I jot them on "paper".  But, if you could just say a big prayer for our family and our baby today, I would really appreciate it. We had our 18 week (anatomical u/s) this afternoon and while almost all of it looked good, I could tell right away when the u/s tech was looking at the brain that something was amiss.  Our baby has choroid plexus cysts (CPC's) in both sides of the brain.  While this in itself is not a big concern (as they will most likely disappear), at this point in the development it is a "marker" or sign of Trisomy 18 (a chromosomal disorder where most babies are stillborn or only live a couple years).  We were told we were at low risk for this just b/c there were no other markers on our u/s that indicated abnormality, but at the same time it is concerning.  We had previously declined the AFP blood test which looks for chromosomal abnormalities, but we reconsidered that today with the doctor's urging and had that done after the u/s.  We hopefully will get the results by week's end or early next week. This will only tell us if we have more "markers" for concern. We are praying we don't.  But, for now we would just welcome prayers.  I think most of you can tell by my lack of blogging about this pregnancy that I have really struggled with this baby.  Not only physically, but mentally. From day one of finding out about this baby, I didn't know if I'd get to meet him/her due to my subchorionic cyst (which has resolved, by the way)...but with that came a 50/50 chance of miscarriage.  I have felt myself just being really disconnected with this baby...it was my way of protecting myself in case I never got to see that sweet face.  I was praying with all my heart that this u/s would give me peace.  That I could finally relax and envision that baby face in my mind.  But, I still feel I can't do that.  It is my own fault that I am robbing myself of this final pregnancy joy and I realize that and also my own fault that I not letting God give me peace.  I would just covet any prayers for my heart and my sweet baby's health.  I know this God's way of saying "trust me"...and I don't do that nearly as often as I should.  He just might force me to this time :) 

Thanks, my wonderful friends and family for letting me share my heart today....I think I am in the midst of a great faith-growing experience...one that I hope/pray ends in good news and happy new year.

In other news...we did NOT find out gender and the u/s tech was not able to tape our u/s so I could review it at home for guessing purposes.  The heart rate was 148 though which is much lower than it was for all my girls....I can't really remember what Dylan's heartrate was....and also, I would love prayers for my heart...I have had some arrhythmias and they are doing an EKG and most likely putting me on a heart monitor too.  Never a dull moment :)  On a side note, isn't that the cutest 3D pic of our baby above...he/she had hands right up by the face and was moving all around :)