Thursday, June 8, 2017

The void in a mother's heart

 There are times when I feel a great void in my heart and in our family when I realize the sacrifice we have made to send our young daughter/sister away.  While I do believe the benefits of this decision outweigh any of the doubts, I am still human and my heart sometimes feels sadness over the years we lost with our Hailey.  I think sometimes she thinks I am crazy when I ask/beg/force photos...but I only do so bc it is all I have sometimes to cling to.  One day she might understand if she is a mother.  So tonight I just cling to this.  My photos.  I only post a few bc I am weary...and I know she may not like any of the ones I post...but I love them just the same.  They are simple...they show her beauty...they warm my heart.  I know she hated bringing pointe shoes to Central Park on Sunday.  It was cool and starting to rain and she hates to be any focus of attention (I do too), but I find such beauty in the simplicity of a park amidst high rises and especially a dancer amidst that.  And we have never done photos near the sailboat pond.  It almost looks like she is kicking that lil' sailboat with her shoe :)
 And her in all her Scotch beauty.  I told her she is always full of Scotch beauty bc she is 1/4 Scottish!  I know Grandma Fergie was smiling down from the heavens this last weekend watching...She did the Ferguson name proud! :)
And it was wonderful to just have some time with our oldest girls.  I know they both have an understanding and a humor with each other.  It was fun(ny) to watch. What this pic doesn't show is Hailey biting Shelb on the head.  Nice.  Sisters.

We miss this girl...this daughter...this sister. We're proud of her, no doubt, but our family is not the same without her.  Sometimes letting a child spread their wings and fly isn't easy....

1 comment:

Nancy Gritter said...

Awwww, I LOVE the pic of Shelby and Hailey laughing! I know its hard Kelly, Such a fun weekend; you are a brave mama to have your firstborn living in NYC! Your heart is hurting and yet Hays is where she should be! She will be home soon, even if its only a short while! And then a nice vaation on the beach and she will be home a bit longer!! Focus on that and things will feel better! Love Ya, Mom