Well, Hailey had her first "school incident" yesterday. Now before you go drawing conclusions or thinking the worst...it actually turned out to be nothing big, but it was still a teaching/learning moment for all involved.
Ok, so this is how it all started for me. I was waiting for Hailey to get home on the bus when the phone rang. I saw from the caller id that it was "the boy who always calls Hailey", so I just assumed it was him calling as usual to chat with Hailey and since she wasn't home yet I didn't answer it. Well, it turned out to be this boy's mom (whom I have met on two occasions, but don't really know). Anyway...she left a very vague message saying she needed to talk to me about "something" and could I call her back.
Ok...so Hailey gets home about 5 minutes later and when she walks in the door I ask her why "so and
so's mom would be calling?" She seemed pretty clueless so I didn't think anything of it. So I called the mom back and immediately she asked me "did you hear about what happened today?" To which I honestly told her "No, I hadn't". Well, she proceeded to ask me if Hailey (and she wasn't sure if it was our Hailey or another one...as far as I know Hailey is the only Hailey in 2
nd grade there)....anyway...so she asked me if Hailey had a lot of money or if she had a savings...I said "no" and "yes"...no, she doesn't have A LOT of money, but she does have some in the bank and some in her piggy bank.
Ok....So, then she asks if we knew if Hailey brought money to school today to give to her son. No, was my answer. I am diligent about checking her backpack after school and before she leaves for the bus...
cuz I've seen other's money (a couple bucks or some change) come home before (which has been sent back) and I've also seen her try to take toys to school, which I don't allow. Anyway....so after the 20 questions she proceeded to tell me that "a Hailey" (we still weren't sure if it was our Hailey) had given her son $50 today to buy a video game thing.
Hmmm...that couldn't be "our Hailey"...she's never even played a video game plus we don't own any of those new
fangled video systems. Why would she want to buy that??? Well, it turns out this boy was trying to buy it for himself and when he told Hailey he was saving up to buy it she probably said something like, "Well, I have 50 bucks...I'll give it you"...just like that. So, I guess that's what happened. Two days ago he said he wanted to buy this game cube thing and then Hailey rifled through her piggy bank yesterday morning and stuffed the money in the front of her backpack after I checked it. And she gave the "big bucks" to him on the bus. I guess the boy must have been showing off the money during the day and his teacher saw it and knew something was up...so she confiscated the money. At this point I guess there was a meeting with Hailey's teacher and this teacher and the two kids involved and this is where unfortunately Hailey failed a bit. The teacher asked her if her mom and dad knew she was giving this money and she said something like "yea, it's
ok".
Hmmm :( Not exactly honest...and why she is now grounded from certain activities for the next 4 days. Not to mention that fact that she had to be coerced greatly to even tell us about the whole incident in the first place. Let me tell you I felt very foolish as this mom was asking "does Hailey have this amount of money?" and "would she bring it to school?" And to all those I was saying "that doesn't sound like our Hailey"....well halfway through the conversation I actually asked Hailey...and she looked at me funny at first and then she looked to the ground and admitted it...so she knew she had done something wrong then. And the whole story came out after that amidst sobs and tears.... Later on we talked about "did she ever think it was wrong to bring money to school and not ask us", etc, etc. She said she really never thought about it, but that now it didn't seem like a good idea.
Hmmm....
Ok, so all that to say....that our dear, sweet Hailey has the most generous spirit I know (especially for a 7 year old). I mean, what kid that age would give 50 bucks to a friend just so they could have a toy they wanted? I'm not even sure I would do that at age 30. So, I know with all her heart she meant well and just wanted to give of what she had to a friend who was in "need". But, the problem arose when Hailey lied to that teacher about us saying this money exchange was "
ok" and then sort of omitting the truth when she got home. I was a little disappointed she didn't tell me this when she first walked in the door. I always ask "how her day was" or "what happened during the day"? And that would have been a good time to tell me.... And since a similar "omission of the truth" happened last week (with her getting a point taken away at school for talking too much...which also resulted in tears and sobbing :)) I guess I came to the conclusion that Hailey might be starting a bad habit of not being completely truthful (and I'm a stickler for the truth so that is NOT cool with me). Anyway....so....after much sobbing on Hailey's part and a tad bit of stress on my part calling parents and teachers yesterday I think we got it all squared away. Kev and I sat down a few times yesterday and talked to Hailey about how proud we were of her "generous heart" and how that is truly a gift to want to give to others and we greatly support that "servant's heart". But, at the same time we want to instill in her how much worth money has and that's it doesn't just grow on trees and it needs to be taken care of...and how it's not
ok to bring money to school; and how she needs to consult us about things like that. In all honestly it was difficult to deal with this
cuz we were so touched by her generosity and we don't want to
squelch that giving spirit, but at the same time we don't have money to just give to everyone who asks and we want her to be responsible (and not a pushover who gives to everyone that asks)...not to mention we want her to be truthful!
So, it was just challenging to deal with that all yesterday (and Kev and I felt a bit like a failure for not teaching her to be more responsible with her money). I know in a few years we'll be dealing with much bigger issues and this will seem like a piddly thing...but it seemed like a big deal yesterday...and it made for a very chaotic, tearful afternoon/night. Not to mention Hailey is crushed by the grounding she's received. We've only grounded her once, I believe, so this is a rare
occurrence. We considered taking away her party
privileges for this weekend, but I didn't feel right making her friend pay for her mistake. So, there will be other things "taken away". For, now it's all been figured out and Kev now has the "big bucks" safe and sound in his pocket after a visit to school this morning :) And soon we will be making another trip to the bank to put the money in a more safe place. Mr. Piggy just wasn't doing the trick apparently :) But, to our dear, sweet, generous-hearted Hailey...we love you and your giving spirit should be an example to us all :)