Answered Prayers!

I still have tears in my eyes (happy ones!) and am almost unable to fully process my thankfulness and relief....

Our baby seems to be completely healthy!!!!

After a week and a half of waiting and much patience (which was truly only given to me by God :)), our AFP (Alpha-Fetoprotein) test (aka the Triple Test) results came back today and the results were negative.  For those that don't understand this test (like myself).  It's a blood test that looks for increased risk for certain abnormalities...Down Syndrome, Spina Bifida, Neural Tube Defects and in our case Trisomy 18 (which was a concern for our baby due to the brain cysts found on u/s last week and was the only reason we had this blood test taken in the first place, b/c I have always refused it in my other pregnancies).  My specific results show a 1 in 1,400 chance of Down Sydrome, a 1 in 5600 chance of Spina Bifida and there was no number associated with Trisomy 18 but instead it read that our sweet baby was not at increased risk for this chromosomal abnormality.  PRAISE THE LORD!!!!

 I feel like for the first time in this pregnancy I am able to really breathe a sigh of relief, relax and enjoy this baby growing and moving inside me---this lil' miracle.  That I can now connect to this last child of mine for the first time.  I realize it's my own fault for not doing this before 19 weeks, but I am one who often has a protective barrier up and I just couldn't let myself get attached when I had a 50/50 chance of miscarriage before last week and then when I didn't know if my baby would even be born alive or live past 2 years.

But, that being said, I have to say that I have truly had the most peaceful and faithful walk the last 12 days as I waited, and I know that is only a God-thing.  And I know that so many of you played a part in that with all the prayers you have lifted up on our family/baby's behalf.  I have felt so wrapped in love and peace in a way I've never felt before in uncertain circumstances.  I cannot thank you all enough for that b/c I needed it more than you will ever know and I needed to lean on Him like I've never had to do before.  God has truly been working on my heart in so many ways and this baby has truly been a journey of faith for me, which I think I needed.

Thank you all for your love and support, and especially prayers during our time of need.  God is truly good and a worker of miracles and I've always been in awe of the miracle of a baby forming and growing, but I am even more in awe today as I look upon our healthy baby and can finally picture his/her sweet little body in my arms in about 20 weeks :)  We are halfway to meeting you, sweet Mystery Baby Stegs #5 :)  Now your mama can have a wonderful weekend with a happy and grateful heart! :)   

Trusting...

Hi, My Sweet Friends,

I have a mind full of prayers today, but I think I have to sort them out in my own head before I jot them on "paper".  But, if you could just say a big prayer for our family and our baby today, I would really appreciate it. We had our 18 week (anatomical u/s) this afternoon and while almost all of it looked good, I could tell right away when the u/s tech was looking at the brain that something was amiss.  Our baby has choroid plexus cysts (CPC's) in both sides of the brain.  While this in itself is not a big concern (as they will most likely disappear), at this point in the development it is a "marker" or sign of Trisomy 18 (a chromosomal disorder where most babies are stillborn or only live a couple years).  We were told we were at low risk for this just b/c there were no other markers on our u/s that indicated abnormality, but at the same time it is concerning.  We had previously declined the AFP blood test which looks for chromosomal abnormalities, but we reconsidered that today with the doctor's urging and had that done after the u/s.  We hopefully will get the results by week's end or early next week. This will only tell us if we have more "markers" for concern. We are praying we don't.  But, for now we would just welcome prayers.  I think most of you can tell by my lack of blogging about this pregnancy that I have really struggled with this baby.  Not only physically, but mentally. From day one of finding out about this baby, I didn't know if I'd get to meet him/her due to my subchorionic cyst (which has resolved, by the way)...but with that came a 50/50 chance of miscarriage.  I have felt myself just being really disconnected with this baby...it was my way of protecting myself in case I never got to see that sweet face.  I was praying with all my heart that this u/s would give me peace.  That I could finally relax and envision that baby face in my mind.  But, I still feel I can't do that.  It is my own fault that I am robbing myself of this final pregnancy joy and I realize that and also my own fault that I not letting God give me peace.  I would just covet any prayers for my heart and my sweet baby's health.  I know this God's way of saying "trust me"...and I don't do that nearly as often as I should.  He just might force me to this time :) 

Thanks, my wonderful friends and family for letting me share my heart today....I think I am in the midst of a great faith-growing experience...one that I hope/pray ends in good news and happy new year.

In other news...we did NOT find out gender and the u/s tech was not able to tape our u/s so I could review it at home for guessing purposes.  The heart rate was 148 though which is much lower than it was for all my girls....I can't really remember what Dylan's heartrate was....and also, I would love prayers for my heart...I have had some arrhythmias and they are doing an EKG and most likely putting me on a heart monitor too.  Never a dull moment :)  On a side note, isn't that the cutest 3D pic of our baby above...he/she had hands right up by the face and was moving all around :)

Destined for Craziness :)

No, your eyes are not deceiving you.....

We are indeed expecting Baby #5! :)  The news has been slow to leak out this time for numerous reasons (shock, extreme nausea, etc), but mainly b/c I have had some complications that put the baby in harm's way.  So far our little sweetie is sticking in there and doing well and we are praying with all our hearts that we get to meet him/her around January 5th :)  More details to come when I am not hunched over the toilet as much and when our crazy whirlwind trip to NYC-FL is over :)  Yikes, 5 kids....we are obviously not meant to lead a non-chaotic life! 

Happy Easter!

Happy Resurrection Day from our family to yours :) Hope it's a blessed one!

Sleeping Beauty Debut!

Hello Dedicated (not-giving-up-on-me) Blog Followers...here's is something I just had to announce....

Hailey will be in the college production (ballet) of Sleeping Beauty this weekend! :) This is very exciting as it's not "normal" for pre-college kids to be asked to perform in a college ballet (aside from Nutcracker), so we are eagerly anticipating watching her dance in this big production. The performances are this Friday, March 23rd at 8pm and Saturday, March 24th at 8pm. She will be in two dances--The Garland Waltz (right at the beginning of Act 1 of the performance near 8:30pm)...in a light green/yellowish dress dancing with a handful of other girls with flower garlands in their hands (see photo attached). And then on Sat. night she will debut as Little Red Riding Hood (I think you know what she would look like, but a photo is attached). It's a very big part for her as she will be dancing on pointe and with a college major--the wolf (a pas de deux). This dance occurs in the 3rd Act about 3/4 of the way through right after the Blue Birds (it could be as late 10:15pm). She will also be in the finale. There is no pressure to watch her :)...but if anyone is home either of these two evenings there is always the option of watching the live feed from the comforts of home....(she will do the one role Garland Waltz on Friday night and both roles on Sat. night, just to clarify)

http://music.indiana.edu/iumusiclive/streaming/

We are so excited for Hailey and this awesome opportunity. She will be featured in the playbill for her Red Riding Hood role so that's semi-exciting too! :)

Thanks for always supporting her in her dance career...we are so proud of her!

I do hope to get back to blogging in April! Don't hold your breath, of course :) And hopefully I'll finish (aka start!) posting about our awesome Spring Break last week in FL/Disney with my fam AND the b-day wishes to my big 12 year old!

Update on Friday night....her Garland Waltz dance is around 8:52pm and the Riding Hood dance will be at about 10:15ish. She did great on opening night! So proud of my beautiful ballerina!

My Little Man is 6!

Today the handsomest little man I know turns the big SIX! As with all my kids' b-days, I really cannot believe so many years have gone by so quickly. I still remember this day (above) like it was yesterday...we had no idea we were having a little boy (I just assumed we'd be content with all girls)....but the good Lord had other plans :) He blessed us with the most handsome son/brother on that cold January 30, 2006. Even his sisters were smitten right away....since then they aren't quite so enamored , but still love him for the crazy brother he is :)
He just melted my heart with his sweet little boy face...(4 days old)
...and his little rolls....(6 months old)

...and those BIG blue eyes (1st b-day)
....and his crazy hair...(sorry about the "mushroom" cut, buddy :))...2nd b-day...

...his goofy grins... (3rd b-day)
...his always happy face... :) :) :) :) (4th b-day)
...he somehow just grew at lightning speed into this cute little boy... (5th b-day)
And here we are at 6 today....a big Kindergartner...whose first words to me this morning where "this is the BEST day ever....it's a school day, it's my birthday-day, and it's a present day!"....three of his favs packed in one day....that's really all he needs for a great b-day! I love you, my handsome man. I always dreamed of having a son, but never dreamed I'd have one as wonderful, handsome, smart, happy and funny as you :) You make me laugh and smile every day. I hope you never lose that deep joy in your heart. Happy Birthday, Dylan James!

NY, here she comes!

I know I don't blog much anymore, but this bit of news is definitely blog-worthy! We just found out today that Hailey made it into the 5-week summer course at SAB (School of American Ballet) in NY! I am still shaking and trying to wipe the happy tears off my face :) Most of you probably don't know much about SAB since you aren't in the world of ballet, but it is the top ballet school in the country (in my humble opinion :)) and extremely hard to get into (only about 200 make it out of 3000 who audition). She had her audition last weekend in Indy (and was the youngest at age 11) and I think her words afterwards were, "I messed up a few times, but not to the point that I think I failed". Haha...such humble and honest words from our ballerina. AND...not only did she get into the program, but she was blessed with a wonderful scholarship package. AMAZING! We are so proud of her and so grateful for this gift God has given her. I cannot wait to see her face later on today when she gets the news. She will be on cloud nine! Finally some good ballet news after a disappointing end-of-2012! So, NY...get ready....our beautiful ballerina will be gracing you with her presence soon! Now I need to start preparing myself to have her out of my sight for FIVE whole weeks. Lord, help me! But, I am so excited for my girl and this amazing opportunity to travel and better learn the art of ballet she loves so much...and especially to learn the art of Balanchine ballet, which I know she will love dancing. Congrats, Hays!!!!