Do you ever feel like life is a test and you just fail at it.
That's how I feel today.
It's not really been an awful day, but it's just been one where I feel I could sleep it away and be ok with it. No, I'm not depressed or anything like that...but, yes, I am tired. Physically, mentally, spiritually...and any other kind there is. My sweet baby boy has something wrong. We don't know what. These are days I wish he could speak b/c 2 hours of flailing in my arms and absolute screaming last night were just heart breaking. Daddy finally had to take him for a spin around the neighborhood so he'd go to sleep. And he spent the remainder of his morning slumbering in his car seat. The last time I remember doing this sort of thing was with colicky baby Shelby 9 years ago. Awful. These are times where mothering a baby is hard....when you can't seem to console them and they can't tell you what's wrong? Teeth? Poop issues? Ears? Random sickness? No idea. He is just not himself. And I just wanted to cry myself in the midst of this...and then I feel guilty for being so selfish. I think my mastitis has moved to my other side and between a fussy baby (who is choosing to bite rather than eat) and my own pain, I just wanted to cry out "why can't we have a break". I am feeling beat up. It seems we get a day or two of reprieve and then we get knocked down again by something else. I have felt this way for about 18 months now. It's exhausting to never get your head above water...it is almost like we're drowning. I know life is not meant to be easy...but I'd sure like to feel more at peace about things. Right now I feel like I am constantly in wait of "the next thing" that will beat us down. I guess I need to try to be more optimistic, but it's hard on week's like this where I did finally feel things were looking up only to be struck down again....I guess physical exhaustion doesn't help. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day and I'll feel like at least a D-student in the game of life :) One thing I am grateful for is a husband who has his A-game on. He beats me at the game of Life every day. He's my super hero :)
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Well, these pics are long overdue...they are from the IN State Fair almost a month ago...but better late than never...I know my mom especial... -
...school is back in session. Pinch me now. Where in the world did our summer go? Obviously we left it in the dust and now it's back ... -
Why not take on a new instrument today?! 😬
3 comments:
All of the things you said here, I've said before. And the common underlying thing behind all of them...being tired! I hope you can get some good, SOLID sleep tonight, and that you'll wake up feeling better about things. I know you didn't post this to get compliments, but you ARE an amazing mama and wife! One day at a time, friend. <3
Thank you Amanda, my sentiments exactly right down to the part about amazing wife and mama...hang in there Kelly, I think half the battle is just knowing its all normal feelings and millions are in the same BOAT!! Keep your eye on the prize..amazing, happy kiddos and a hubby who is by your side in everything!CUT yourself some slack here!!!Love you BUNCHES!!! xoxo Mom
Well, you are both right...I know this. I am my toughest critic...no surprise there. I guess I just want to be honest and put it out there and make this "real". One day my girls (and boys) might be in this situation of parenting and I don't want them thinking I had it all together...though they will probably remember I didn't! haha :) I guess I just want moms out there to know what they see on most "together" moms' exterior probably isn't the whole truth. We all are good at hiding our insecurities :) And no matter how tired I am, I still think I can do it and I expect I should. Not realistic at all. I have been ok lately taking a nap or not getting out of my pj's til noon (today!) :) We all are blessed to have wonderful men by our sides and healthy, happy kiddos. Thanks for reassuring me today, Amanda and mom :) Love you both! And honestly I think of you both every day...Amanda...you inspire me b/c I know you've been raising 5 kids longer than I have and you've survived! :) And mom...you are my great encourager who knows my crazy brain so well (Amanda you do too :)). Love ya' and thank you!!
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