Life

Do you ever feel like life is a test and you just fail at it.

That's how I feel today. 

It's not really been an awful day, but it's just been one where I feel I could sleep it away and be ok with it.  No, I'm not depressed or anything like that...but, yes, I am tired.  Physically, mentally, spiritually...and any other kind there is.  My sweet baby boy has something wrong.  We don't know what.  These are days I wish he could speak b/c 2 hours of flailing in my arms and absolute screaming last night were just heart breaking.  Daddy finally had to take him for a spin around the neighborhood so he'd go to sleep.  And he spent the remainder of his morning slumbering in his car seat.  The last time I remember doing this sort of thing was with colicky baby Shelby 9 years ago.  Awful.  These are times where mothering a baby is hard....when you can't seem to console them and they can't tell you what's wrong?  Teeth?  Poop issues?  Ears?  Random sickness?  No idea.  He is just not himself.  And I just wanted to cry myself in the midst of this...and then I feel guilty for being so selfish.  I think my mastitis has moved to my other side and between a fussy baby (who is choosing to bite rather than eat) and my own pain, I just wanted to cry out "why can't we have a break". I am feeling beat up.  It seems we get a day or two of reprieve and then we get knocked down again by something else.  I have felt this way for about 18 months now. It's exhausting to never get your head above water...it is almost like we're drowning.  I know life is not meant to be easy...but I'd sure like to feel more at peace about things.  Right now I feel like I am constantly in wait of "the next thing" that will beat us down.  I guess I need to try to be more optimistic, but it's hard on week's like this where I did finally feel things were looking up only to be struck down again....I guess physical exhaustion doesn't help.  Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day and I'll feel like at least a D-student in the game of life :)  One thing I am grateful for is a husband who has his A-game on.  He beats me at the game of Life every day. He's my super hero :)

Misc. Post

 No real exciting post today...but just a few fun kiddo pics :)  Above is D after his first flag football game a few weeks ago.  He looks pretty good doesn't he?!  He actually likes it too and he did great this game and snagged a flag before the other team got a touchdown. It's been fun learning a new sport this fall...normally we are die-hard soccer fans.  Plus we love Upwards!  Go Dylan!

 Proof that Ash is her own unique personality :)  I'm sure the Chinese would love this new use for chopsticks :) (aka double booger picker :))

 Daddy and his clone :)

 Hays...my #1 helper.  Even though she has a very heavy school sched right now and the usual busy ballet sched, she still is my number one launderer, cleaner and helper-of-parties (personalizing Ashley's crown cookies for her party :))  And below is my Shelby...she loves to be fancy these days...fancy, curly hair with bows and frilly dresses.  I remember when she'd only wear jeans years ago!  And, yes, this dress is officially Ashley's, but we had a fight over it and it's now a shared dress! :)

That's all I got for today.  It's been a non-productive day. One where if I had gotten a few more hours of sleep I might have been a better person.  It's a day where I went to return stuff only to find out I didn't have that credit card or my id.  So had to go home and get it out of my pant's pocket and go back.  Waste-o-time!  Also, Logan has become Mr. Fussy as I believe more teeth are in order :(  Crabby Baby=Crabby Mama.  He has a new bad habit of screaming all the time just b/c he wants attention or likes to hear his voice.  He did this at school today, in the car, at the store, at home...all day.  This bought him his first time out in the corner in his high chair.  That was a somewhat funny sight to see an 8 month old in the corner :)

Hopefully tomorrow will be a more productive day where my mindset is better and Logan is quieter :)

T is for...

....Trouble....

...don't let the cute, innocent face fool ya'...he's got an eye for danger!

...he loves anything plastic...lately it's been tablecloths leftover from the princess party... (and, no, we don't put him anywhere near them...he can roll/scoot all they way over to them!)

He loves ribbon too...this day he got curling ribbon all caught around himself and his toys...rascal!

Ugh...really?  Outlets?  He almost looks like he wants to stick his tongue in it! 

Then he pretends he was up to nothing...

He likes to pull himself up on our pottery barn chairs...and chew on them (and tip them on himself :))...and it's no wonder b/c look who's cheering him on in the background....nice job, big bro!

He loves balloons...and they love his hair :)  He loves to chew on ducks lately too...I'm ok with that :)

He loves cords and electronics.  He turned our stereo on the other day with his feet.  Talent!

Trying to look innocent...but don't believe it!

This is his new "whacha talking about Willis face :)  And he was definitely into trouble this day...

...after he chewed our good chair up with his two lil' razor teeth! 

And the duck brothers....they could be partners in crime :)

I gotta say...I love this boy...he makes me laugh every day, but he is going to be the death of me once he is officially crawling and walking. I might never rest again!  He is definitely what I've been told is a mini-Kevin.  Watch out world!

Princess Party Sneak-Peek :)

Well, it is a blissful day in the Steg house b/c we really have nothing pressing on the plans.  Just church and some homework and cleaning up. That's pretty much the bare minimum for us!  Hays has been at church most the day, but the rest of us have been home. Love that!  Just thought I'd post a few bday pics from the big princess party last Sunday.  I will do a whole post on it later in the week...but thought these few pics set the tone.  Ash picked out the castle cake.  It was not supposed to be this cake initially...it was to be a MUCH simpler one with MUCH less work....but when she saw this one she HAD to have it (it was way cuter and girlier than the other one I found).  I like a good challenge, but probably should not have accepted given that I had a bad back and bending over a cake for a couple days was not ideal.  But, the look on her face when it was done made it worth it.  I'll be honest....the night before I finished it, I wanted to drop-kick it out the door---yes, I get cake rage at times :) (the towers were leaning and nothing was working out), but detail work can cover a lot of mistakes and it turned out ok.  So, she had her 2nd castle cake in her brief 5 year life (her first being her 2-year-old cake).  And then there is her sweet "little" group of friends.  We set a limit of 12 and ended up with an extra (plus the siblings) so it was probably close to 20 kids and I will say that was a tight squeeze in our small house.  But, it was cozy and fun just the same.  They were a good group and Ash was in her glory. She does love her friends.  She wanted to invite way more. She is super friendly apparently...reminds me a lot of both her big sisters.  And the last pic of Ash was taken by my new friend, Karen...I met her for the first time at the party. She's a doll and super sweet and helped with everything, including photography!  It was a fun party and probably my last princess one so I had to go all out!

She's 5!

 Well, the baby girl of our fam. turned the big 5 today.  How in the world did that happen?  I still remember her birth so vividly.  She came out just like this above...mouth wide open and she hasn't really stopped talking since :) lol...j/k, Asher..mama loves you.  But I do laugh at how chatty she is....she even got a progress report from her teacher yesterday that said "still working on letting others talk" (aka listening :)).  I'm sorry...but I had to chuckle at that...maybe she takes after her Nina in FL who is the best chatter around!

 At any rate...here's a walk down memory lane for our Ash over the last 1/2 decade.  Sorry the above pic is sideways...and I'm too tired to correct it...but she was the cutest 10lb baby around!

 Gosh, she looks so tiny here on her first day home...

 And a feisty lil' 1 year old...

...became a feisty lil'' 2 year old (don't let the solemn face fool ya'!) :)

Heart be still...are they not so cute?  Here is Big Bro D at the same age Ash is now.  Sweetness! :)

And then she was 3!

...and 4!

And right before she turned 5, she became a princess :)...and here she is below last night with her Little Mermaid cake...and a typical crazy face!

I just love, cherish, adore and feel so blessed by this youngest daughter in my life.  She brings such an amazing dynamic to our family.  For example...tonight she decides she is going to learn to ride her bike by herself.  No idea what spurred this interest, but she went right outside and tried to do it (w/o success, but goodness knows it wasn't b/c she didn't persist)...she gets ideas in her head and will not give up on them.  I love her independence, her big big heart (she tries to be friends with everyone!), her big, big, big smiles and crazy faces :)  She is just a perfect little spark of life and humor and love in our family.  God did a good thing creating her and bringing her into this world 5 years ago and our lil' Steg fam is so much better b/c of her.  Love you, Ashley Claire!

I hope she had a fun day in spite of the busyness that ensued.  I am usually excited by weekend bdays b/c it means more family time, but I think I actually would have had more time with my lil' girl had it been a weekday.  Oh well.  We had two other parties to squeeze in (which were so fun, by the way :)), and we also had Nutcracker auditions and some running around to do.  But, I think she had a good day in spite of the rat race.  Logan and I took her to Build-A-Bear first thing this morning to pick out a a new friend with a gift card from her party last week.  She was in all her glory getting to stuff her own My Little Pony (Starlight Sparkle!).  What a fun "something new" to do for her.  Instead of McD's as planned for lunch she opted for the healthier alternative of a mall slushy and a hot dog in front of the tv watching a new Scooby movie. Nice.  After the two parties and Nutcracker, we had a yummy pizza dinner and some drippy jello cake and then spent the evening just hanging around the house, biking/scootering/swinging outside and opening a lil' stash of presents.  She had wanted to go to our jumpy Jumpin' Joey's, but we talked her out of it as the idea of staying home sounded good to us all.  So, it was a good end to the day...not too crazy and sorta laid back.  And it ended with a hoot as she put on some new fake (very grown up!) nails (a gift from a friend...too funny!).  By baby is growing up too fast....sigh :(  But, I do look forward to seeing where her life is going to lead her.  She is one spunky, unique individual :)  Love you, Asher!  And thanks to everyone for the bday wishes, cards, gifts and the special phone call from Nina and Pops!

5 years ago...

I was laboring with what I thought would be my final child...a sweet little girl.  I hadn't met her yet, but I just knew she was going to be one special little girl.  And she hasn't let us down one bit.  In just a couple minutes my Asher will turn 5.  If I close my eyes I can still almost feel her as a newborn in my arms. She was the sweetest "little" baby girl...and now she's growing into this sweet young lady...oh my how time flies....sigh....

Out of steam...

Well, I am, as they say, "running out of steam"...

It's really no surprise after the last couple weeks of a bad back, bad breast, busy baby and bday bashes...

I'm entitled to a few days where I just feel run down and brainless :(

Just know that we are ok...just tired...just bracing for my baby girl to turn 5 on Saturday and just trying to be still and rest a little.  It has been a hard week for my best friend and her family in the passing of a young family member.  This just brings to heart what is most important in life....cherishing time with people we love....b/c you really don't know when you or they will take their last breath. 

So, hug those you love tonight or if you can't do it in person, don't forget to tell them you love them.  Life is too short and it's those people we love that are most important.