The Brick Wall

Well, I feel I have hit a brick wall with any kind of progress around here.  I know I need to give myself a little grace with Kev working most nights this week and me running solo with the 5 kiddos, but I still think I should at least be able to get something done like dishes or laundry.  I find myself wandering around between the first and second floors of the house feeling very overwhelmed at the tasks at hand.  Not only am I overwhelmed, but I am just plain tired.  I think both together are making me completely useless.  Kev and I are in the process of trying to figure out why I am not sleeping (is it late nights/early mornings, is it him snoring, is it Logan whimpering through the night in the crib next to us, is it me worrying about the next day nor not shutting down my brain from the current to-do list, or is it possibly all of the above). Trying to figure it out is the pits.  I have been a walking mom-bomb this week. Getting back into the routine of early mornings, homework and activities had made me quite irritable.  "Quite" is an understatement (as vouched for by Kev and the kids).  Let's just give a run down of yesterday so that I can show you how grumpy I am....

1.  Ash and I have dental appts.  No big deal, right.  Well, turns out my root canal from a few months ago didn't work.  I knew this already.  I am one of a minority in which this happens.  Go figure.  So now I am wearing down the teeth on my right side of my mouth b/c I still cannot chew on my left.  I am really, really trying to not get angry about the reason behind this (a terrible woman dentist in town!), but it's really hard.  This has truly been a situation that has taken so much time and money and brainpower``....

2.  Logan is really a trooper at the dentist especially since it's naptime.  I forgot though that the last time I took him I promised myself I would not take him again (he had to sit with me on the reclined dental chair while I got my teeth cleaned...and he was not quiet or still :)).  This time he was even worse.  His new "fun" thing to do it scream at the top of his lungs (and, yes, it is very loud!).  I am honestly so used to this that it doesn't phase me, but when I cannot speak to him or respond to him (due dental restraints), it is a bit difficult :)

3.  I have to finish up my post Christmas returns....no big deal...except it decides to get very slick out with a mini-snow-dusting.  I am slipping and sliding all over the road.  The stroller is not the ideal sled in these conditions.  I get everything done and head home...

4. Only to find I lost $30 of my bday money (probably in the snow pushing the heavy stroller).  I am so disheartened. I spend probably an hour tearing apart the kitchen and dining room looking for the lost money that was I saving for myself....hoping I somehow dropped it in the house :( :(  Never found it.  I home some deserving person found it in the parking lot.

5. I call Kev in hopes he has found my money.  Nope.  I argue with him over why it's easier for men to keep track of their money than women (due to wallets being able to fit in their back pockets). I know I made no sense.

6.  I got off the phone and cried.  I hate losing things.  I lose things every day.  It's frustrating.  I know $30 is really nothing...but to a cheap person like me, it's like $300.  This is why I don't carry cash.  I am almost as irresponsible with cash as I am with my cell phone :( :( :(

7.  I try to make a quick smash cake for Logan's 1 year photos (which were today).  I have made the big cupcake cake before.  Easy peasy.  I really thought it would be brainless and quick.  I should have known.  I must have used the wrong melting chocolate to make the bottom mold and after 7 attempts and way too many minutes/hours of time wasted, I gave up.  Kev came home and tried one thing and it came out perfect.  It was just not my day.  In my span of wasted hours I made an even bigger mess of the kitchen (envision dark chocolate all over the counters)...also envision me hacking away at my good pan with a knife...chocolate flying in all directions.  I was that frustrated :(

8.  I stressed a bit over Hailey's high school schedule (which was due today). Yes, I said high school.  How is it possible that she is old enough to be in high school? And how is that I am old enough to have a high schooler?  Seriously.  Time needs to slooooooooooooow down!  Anyway...we thankfully have Kev's aunt to consult on all this since she is in the business of helping kids get into college and get scholarships.  So grateful for her expertise and grateful she took the time to talk to me yesterday.  But, I still pray we made the right decisions as far as classes (honors or regular,  teachers, electives, etc....yikes, high school!) :)

9.  I tried to get last minute advice from some mom friends about high school....then realized we had ice skating and we were late to that.  Not only that, but we got there and realized Ash didn't wear socks (she hates socks).  I am pretty sure it's recommended to wear socks for ice skating. Brrrr....cold feet.  She somehow survived as I glared at her going out onto the ice. 

10.  I was in such a fowl mood by the time Kev made it to the rink, that he sent me home.  Rightfully so...

11.  I had to stop and get more chocolate for melting (for smash cake) at the grocery store.  No big deal, but it's completely frigid out and the cold puts me in a worse mood especially when I have to stand out in it to pump gas.

12.  Just stepping into my cluttered house is stressful.  Why can't the clutter fairy clean it while I am gone :(  I don't think that's asking too much!

13.  We end the night talking about the high school schedule again.  Not only that, but we talk about Hailey trying a sport this semester.  Are we crazy?  Maybe.  She has always loved diving and wants to try it.  It's not ideal timing for her very busy schedule.  She'd have practice every day from 3-4:45 at the high school (only pool near us), go straight to ballet and then start homework every night at 9pm.  She'd miss 5 ballet classes total.  We are ok letting her do this.  It might be her last chance to try a sport (high school sports are very competitive).  We go up and talk to her as she's trying to go to sleep (this is how many of our important conversations go :)).  She makes the executive decision to not wear herself out for the good of the dive.  I agree this is a good decision.  No one wants to be starting homework at 9pm every night and doing 5 hours of activity after school. 

14.  I am supposed to go bed shortly after this, but realize I never looked at any of the kid's homework.  Have I mentioned it's hard for me to shut my brain down lately??  No wonder I don't get enough sleep.

And the cycle continued today with similar mishaps.  I truly think this weather is affecting my capacity to be rational and think correctly.  I am also getting nervous b/c I know this time last year is when I had my major issues (Seasonal Affective Disorder?).  I am praying I don't spiral in that direction.  But, right now I am feeling so scattered and so stinky as a mom, wife, housekeeper, etc.  I am hoping a weekend of non-activity and cleaning will help....praying for bright/warmer days ahead...